Don’t such conversations happen every day in every household? And leave the parents and children frustrated, hostile and angry in the end?
Well, that’s because there is no recipe for bringing up children. If your child is two years old, so are you….as a parent! A person’s experience as a parent starts only after the child is born! So, an amateur parent literally grows in experience, along with the child.
A good parent doesn’t have to be perfect. No one is perfect. Similarly, no child is perfect either… keeping this in mind is important when we set our expectations.
Good parenting is not about achieving perfection. But it doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t work towards that goal. If you can keep working on some useful tips, even though you may only do part of these some of the time, you will still be moving in the right direction.
Just remember P-A-R-E-N-T-I-N-G!!! Here’s a mnemonic to remember how to be a good parent
P – be a POSITIVE parent. Desirable child behaviours are sculpted and strengthened through positive experiences. Give your child a positive family experience, especially in the early years. Sing a song or dance with them. Laugh together at silly jokes. Solve a problem together with a positive attitude. Do little tasks together. Give them positive attention. Pull their attention towards positive aspects of everyday problems.
A – become your child’s ATM – ALL TIME MATE. Support and accept your child as an individual, along with all the shortcomings. Be your child’s confidante – a warm and safe place for your child where he/she can return to safety. This will lead to better emotional development, social skills and mental health.
R – be a ROLE MODEL for your child. Walk the talk. Don’t just tell your child what you want them to do. The best way to teach is to show them. So, be the person you want your child to be — respect your child, show them positive behaviour and attitude, have empathy towards your child’s emotion, be kind, respectful and truthful to others and your child will follow suit.
E – make all possible time to ENGAGE with your child. Talk to your child and also listen to them carefully. Never tell your child to shut up. Listen to the small things your child wants to tell you, if you want them to tell you bigger things when they grow up.
N – NON-STOP LOVE is the key. Show that you love them. Showing little acts of love can trigger the release of feel-good hormones, which bring a deep sense of calm, emotional warmth and contentment.
T – TIME TRAVEL to your own childhood. Remember how you were at that age and try to get into the shoes of your kid. Very often, when we open our mouths, we speak just like our own parents did. Sometimes, we repeat the same dialogues exactly. Reflecting on our own childhood is a step towards understanding why we parent the way we do.
I – make your child INDEPENDENT. Don’t handicap your child by being an over-protective parent, who always wants to show the way. Let your child explore, try and learn on their own. Yes, you can keep a close watch so that they don’t get into serious trouble.
N – remember the rule of NO SPANKING. No doubt, to some parents, spanking can bring about compliance which sometimes is a much-needed relief for the parents. But remember, it will always be short-lived! This method doesn’t teach the child the right from the wrong. It only teaches the child to fear the consequences, and the child starts hiding things to avoid getting caught with inappropriate behaviour.
G – do not forget your parenting GOALS. Like most parents, you would also want your child to do well in life, be productive, be responsible and independent, be respectful, enjoy positive relationships with you and others, be caring and compassionate, and have a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. But how much time do you spend working towards those goals? If you’re like most parents, you probably spend most of the time just trying to get through the day. Do not let the survival mode dominate your life. Find ways to turn every negative experience into a learning opportunity for them.
To conclude, I must say that the good thing is, that although parenting is hard, it is also very rewarding. The bad part is that the rewards usually come much later than the hard work. But if we try our best now, we will eventually reap the rewards and have nothing to regret.
So, Happy Parenting folks!